While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
