I got chris browned last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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