I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
