I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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