Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
