Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
