You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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