you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
