The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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