I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
