Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
