we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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