hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
