I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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