no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
