grandma shit on top of the toilet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
nutella sex= disaster
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
