I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think people are normalizing furries
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
