Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
