I just made out with a guy for $7.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
