I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
