i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
3pm strippers are depressing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
