Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
