tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
