Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Damn victory sex feels great
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
