Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You were trust falling into bushes
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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