she looked like the before picture.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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