Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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