I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Terrible idea I love it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
