Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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