wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
