dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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