3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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