The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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