Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
