apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
