I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
