I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The power of my boobs compel you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
