Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
