Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
