I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
