I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
