Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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