I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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