dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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