Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
