Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
