You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
