A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
