census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
