Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
