need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
