just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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