I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
