Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
