I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
