my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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