Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
