No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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